There are a kind of people who always feel that they don’t belong to where they are.  Always feel that they are outsiders, feel themselves awkward, and do not have a clue how to fit in.

I am one of those people.

Schools, work, I never really felt myself being in the right place.  Perhaps the only time I felt close-to-right was when I was in High School and in Davis.  Elementary school – I was sick and weak.  Middle school – I transferred schools and disregarded rules.  College – I was sick again, besides I was very disappointed by the quality of education, and by how the real-world was forming.  Graduate school – I was shocked that people are so authoritative and aristocratic.  Went on, and on.

Perhaps, everyone feels the same.  Except for those athletic people who seem to be amazing at working in hierarchy.

These days, I feel like I’d lost many friends over to their marriages.  I hardly have common topics to talk about.  We no longer talk about our aspirations, anxieties, dreams, fear nor what we are passionate about.  I feel myself very immature and stupid to want to talk about those things.

Yet, here, I feel myself so outlandish and needing a sense of belongings.  I just can’t figure out why.