Hello everyone! It’s been a while since my last post, and I missed this blog so much. I am finally been settled, plus, my Macbook (named Alain, if you still remember) miraculously mended itself so that I can blog tonight.
I really wanted to write and communicate with you for 2 reasons.
First of all, as I have mentioned a few weeks ago, I am participating an eCourse called Unraveling. I have spent a lot of time with myself and with my fellow Unravelers, to unravel layers of myself and my memories, to rediscover myself a little bit. Because I had been so busy all the while, I haven’t been able to do as much exercises I wanted to, but still, it has been a great journey.
Secondly, I have been studying French quite a bit in the last few weeks. Why this has something to do with blogging? Because, it has been so SO frustrating! I can’t ask questions during the classes because I don’t know how to phase them in French. I have to keep my head low so that I won’t be caught looking blank and helpless by my teachers. In my entire life, I have never been so helpless during the classes! I had always been the one to speak up and ask questions, point out mistakes if I find any.
Because it’s French, and partly because I am taking an advanced class, I am hanging in the back seat, my both hands tightly holding a rail, knuckles white. Uggggh.
I WANT TO TALK IN ENGLISH!
These two, Unraveling/self-discovery and French lessons are somewhat inter-related. I am discovering how deeply I am stuck in an English(/American) culture. Although I speak Japanese because I live here, my mental world has shifted to English quite a bit, totally behind my back. Sometimes I can’t come up with the right Japanese words, and it’s frustrating and uncomfortable. Adding French to this situation makes my mind more confused and entangled.
I feel disconnected to the immediate world around me, partly because I moved into a new neighborhood, but also because my world is not here.
These days, dealing with numbers feels a lot easier than coping with words. I think I am in a little trouble here.
Has anyone had this kind of experience? Would this stage pass soon?
I am knitting so that I can sort myself out.